Unfriended (2015)

unfriended-posterAlright, are you guys just making bad horror movies on purpose to break my spirit or are these genuine efforts to make horror? Well, let’s talk Unfriended.

A group of online chat room friends find themselves haunted by a mysterious, supernatural force using the account of their dead friend.

-sigh-

Admittedly, my hopes were not high for this one from the first viewing of the trailer. A movie shot entirely as a laptop screen wasn’t exactly as refreshing a new idea as the trailer or the movie or the inexplicable positive reviews wanted me to believe. Yet, for some reason, I wanted to be wrong.

I wasn’t.

While there were a few moments of this movie where I thought, for a minute, “Hey, am I going to like this movie?” only to have it stripped away from me immediately. There are a couple of tense and effective moments, like the reveal of “the note” that is printed out for two of the characters. Though, the more time I spend thinking about it, the more I realize that his movie is just really terrible.

The-Cast-of-Unfriended-Movie-2015

I’ve complained before about how in movies that rain down moral punishment on people, like this one, all of the main characters seem to be inexplicably terrible people. This is no different, we have drug dealing, cheating, lying, bullies that are each being picked off one by one by the ghost of a girl who was driven to suicide and is bent on revenge against the people involved, who conveniently all have Skype-conferences to … I guess revel in how garbage they all are? I’m not saying that all of your characters should be likable, or even that you need to have one person survive your movie, but jesus are all of these characters just terrible.

The acting is (however slightly) improved over The Gallows, and they even do things that I would believe teen characters in this situation might do, but it’s just not enough. A huge chunk of the movie consists of 4 characters playing “Never Have I Ever” with a ghost, and having the ghost reveal their deepest darkest secrets, which aren’t especially interesting.

On top of that, the movie is dull. The deaths and scares don’t work, because the ghost makes the computers glitch out whenever someone gets killed, so everything is choppy and lacks any impact that might have been there if we’d had to watch each death happen. When we’re seeing what amounts to 3 still images of each person dying it really removes any effectiveness it might have had. The exception being the one character who shoots himself, but even that has nothing interesting to look at because the camera quality of each character is … actually kind of believable.

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We also have the painful back story, a girl gets wasted and poops her pants at a party, the video of which is circulated and she ultimately kills herself. Now, listen, I’m not saying that bullying doesn’t happen, or that suicides because of bullying doesn’t happen, hell, this exact thing could happen in real life. My issue is throwing this ¬†vengeful ghost on top of a story about bullying. It almost says “Don’t be mean, or the vengeful ghosts of suicide victims will come back to kill you”, and that seems like a cheap ploy to give your movie some weight.

The movie all in all just doesn’t work. Like I said, a huge chunk of the middle is the characters playing Never Have I Ever and it’s all just so eye rollingly stupid. Skip this one, The Curse of the Poop Ghost really isn’t worth your time.

Also, the movie was originally titled Cybernatural, and I will give it points for not keeping that piece of shit title, but Unfriended really isn’t much better.

RATING: *

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