Ouija (2014)

ouija-movie-posterOh…oh no. Well guys, I watched Ouija. Yeesh. Here’s the story before we move into this charming little movie :

A group of friends must confront their most terrifying fears when they awaken the dark powers of an ancient spirit board.

Where do I even start with this movie? First off, lets put all our cards on the table, and by that I mean, my one single card : This movie is lazy, insulting, bullshitty garbage. You shouldn’t watch it, pay money for it, or in any way allow this movie to achieve any sort of pre-theater success. It will only encourage this lazy brand of horror movie. I’ve said time and time again taht we should demand more from our horror films, THIS IS WHY.

The first problem with this is movie is th story. The story is so contrived and dull that it hurts. Ouija boards have made an appaearance in so many better movies (See: Paranormal Activity and The Exorcist) and now we have a movie built around a game that’s really just over 100 years old. To clarify: I’m sure someone out there will tell me that SPIRIT BOARDS have been around forever, and that’s fine. HOWEVER, the product (yes, PRODUCT) called OUIJA was created in 1901.

Moving on.

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This movie falls so flat on every level. Even the jump scares don’t deliver, which is typically one of those things that can get the reflexive reaction out of a viewer if nothing else. The story is stupid, and frankly, 90 minutes was too god damn long for this movie.

The characters are flat, the actors are flatter, and there is around zero chemistry between any of them. The ONE exception is Lin Shaye (Insidious) who has a criminally short role in this movie. She delivers the best performance in the flick, and is only in it for around 3 minutes. Besides her, there’s quite frankly nothing happening in this movie. Even the incredibly likable Olivia Cooke (Bates Motel) has a hard time with the sub-par script.

So, this is the directoral debut of Stiles White, who also co-wrote the movie. He also wrote screeplays for The Possession, Knowing, and Boogeyman, none of which really offer much in the way of comfort. Remember how I said co-wrote? Well, that’s because this mammoth work required two writers. Also penning this movie was Juliet Snowden who co-wrote … you guessed it, Knowing, The Possession and Boogeyman with White.

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The most insulting part about this movie is that it really feels like no one cares. This movie was smashed together and feels like there’s really no passion or interest in horror movies in general. It was a cheap, halloween cash-in that delivers nothing of any value or substance. It really does have everything you expect from a movie like this. From the cut-and-paste characters to the stupid twist.

Don’t waste your time with this movie. We have to hold horror movies to a higher standard, or this type of lazy shit will keep on coming through. Even one of the biggest cash-ins of the year “Annabelle” didn’t feel THIS insulting. When movies like this continue to come out time and time again, and make 44 MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS ON A MOVIE WITH A BUDGET OF 5 MILLION DOLLARS, it makes it look like THIS is what horror fans are willing to settle for.

This movie is an empty vessel with no value. Skip it.

FINAL GRADE: F

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3 responses to “Ouija (2014)

  1. Agree 110% about Lin Shaye. She needs to be this generation’s Zelda Rubinstein… Well, except blonde and taller. Haha!

    Could you imagine if they did a Poltergeist remake & she played Tangina? It’d be crap, but I’d go see it -just- for that role interpretation. She’s becoming my new favourite horror actress!

    Like

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