Blade : Trinity (2004)

-sigh- Well, we did the first two, so here’s the last one. Blade..fucking..Trinity. What a huge misstep this movie was. First off, here’s the plot :

Blade, now a wanted man by the FBI, must join forces with the Nightstalkers to face his most challenging enemy yet: Dracula

Alright, so first of all, the movie doesn’t make any fucking sense. The villains of the movie, led by Parker Posey (who couldn’t even save this movie), frame blade by…setting him up to kill a human dressed as a vampire, but Blade…has killed humans before, and ..you know what, I’m just not even going to go there. The story is stupid, stupid things happen, and then we meet a whole bunch of new stupid characters.

3677157-ryan+-+blade+3a

So, this movie features Jessica Biel playing Whistler’s daughter Aibgail because who cares. It also features the smarmiest douche I’ve ever seen in a movie, Ryan Reynolds as…-ugh- Hannibal King. We also get to meet Dominic Purcell as Dracula…or..as the hip kids in this movie call him “Drake” because…whatever. Actually, the creature design of Dracula might be the coolest part of this movie ..

But again, not enough to save the movie. Especially because they seem to have decided to get rid of scenes with Blade in favor of showing up the flashy new actors that they introduced. Which means plenty of hanging out with the NIGHTSTALKERS, which for some reason includes Patton Ostwald. Plus, of course the new, hot superstar Ryan Reynolds needs to be showcased for his quick wit and sarcasm. Which means we get tons of things like this :

It’s just such a hollow movie. There was so much potential for what this movie could have been, and none of it comes through. It’s 100% flash, and has no substance or charm whatsoever. Even Snipes is basically just coasting through this movie.

I don’t want to go on about it that much, because honestly, it’s just not worth it. The movie is boring, stupid, and has way to much Ryan Reynolds winking at the audience.

Skip it.

Final Grade : D

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