Alien 3 (1992)


Now, I have no idea why it’s called Alien Cubed. That’s just a silly style choice I guess, but lets not nitpick right off the bat here. So, last time on HR Gieger’s Dick Monsters, we had a great movie, an awesome climactic battle, and another android was torn to shreds. The movie ended with our heroes, Ripley, Hicks and Newt safely away in stasis, with the actually possibility that they might live happily ever after. Now, if you’ve only seen the first two movies, stop. That ending works. It really does. It winds everything up, and things are just fine. However, if you need more, then lets go forward.



Except Ripley. That’s right guys, after everything they survived in the second movie, everyone is fucking dead. Newt drowned in her stasis pod, and Hicks was impaled when the ship crashed. Jesus H Christ. Well, that sets the tone for the rest of the movie really. Ripley’s ship, and the 3 pods crash land on a prison planet full of men. The facehugger is there also, infects a cow thing, and bam. Aliens. Naturally, they kill just about everyone, and eventually Ripley and the remaining prisoner(s) manage to kill it. Then, Weyland Co. shows up and tried to bring Ripley in because she has an embryo of an Alien queen inside her (spoiler ..whatever), she says “Newp!” and kills herself.

That’s the story, now lets talk about why it’s bad.

Remember in the last review, I mentioned that the graphics had improved drastically from Alien to Aliens? Well, you can throw that in the great big garbage known as early 90s CGI. Good god. The odd time that the Alien  effects are practical, it looks fine, but occasionally you see a glorious Alien running in some laughable CG. The saying goes , if it’s broke don’t fix it… apparently in this case, you should fix it if it’s cheaper and uses cutting edge technology… yeesh.

The next problem with it is well, studio interference. This movie was Directed by David fucking Fincher, who is fantastic, but at the time was a relatively new director. So, not a lot of trust was put into him. So, they had… six, yeah, SIX writers, and basically chopped Fincher’s vision to ribbons. There really is a whole long tragic story to read about this movie, and Wikipedia is the place to see it.

The movie just doesn’t work on so many levels, and really just disappoints so drastically. Weak. Not the worst movie ever, but definitely the worst movie in this franchise.

Final Grade : D , but really SO close to a C-


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